I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
