oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
well most of my day revolves around power hour
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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