you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Randomize
