everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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