just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize