I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Randomize
