I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Randomize
