I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
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