Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
