she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize