At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
