They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
This house was built for laser tag.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Randomize
