I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
