im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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