I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
