last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
