Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
