I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
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