1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
