shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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