I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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