her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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