This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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