im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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