meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
