call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
