i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize