I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
