shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
