sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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