My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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