How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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