I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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