i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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