Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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