so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
