Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
