I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
After tacos, we're chasing women.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
