Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
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