it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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