i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
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