It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
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