he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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