Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
