I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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