careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
