You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
