u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
