I can't breathe out the right side of my face
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
