I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
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