"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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