her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
