My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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