good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
