My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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