What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
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