you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
