i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
