the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Barsexuality is the new black.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Randomize
