Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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