Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize
