awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
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