it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I think your dad took our porno
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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