How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Randomize
