I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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