break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
