my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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