but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
