20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Randomize
