it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
