What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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