Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
apparently the secret to your success is patron
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
