i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
