How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
