I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
