god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
