I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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