help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
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