High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
40s are totally the cure
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
