last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
this just has baby written all over it
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Randomize
