alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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