Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Randomize
