i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
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