I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
