8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
