i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
