Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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