this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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