we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
