The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
