no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
